Helpful Hint #14

I don't really feel like I have a whole hell of a lot to report. There has been some movement on some projects, not nearly enough on others.

I am eagerly awaiting the delivery of the CS3 Suite for Mac. Turns out with the licenses we bought at work, it only costs a few dollars more (like $25) to get the Mac versions, so my IT dude at work ordered it for me for home, because I sometimes do work from home.

Helpful Hint #14 is simply this: Be nice to people and they will be nice to you. The nuanced version of that is "Be nice to the IT Guy."

I'm busily working on a few acts and I have about nine million shows in the next six weeks. I'm very excited about a few of them, but I don't want to reveal until they are performed. They are very cool and good ideas, though--and I'm pretty psyched that the Varieteasers asked me to choreograph their big group act. It's a pretty big honor to be asked to do that.

OK. I have to jump here and attend to a little business, but more later!

xox
Ms. Bea

Crashed Out

Last night I went to bed at 9:30 PM, owing to the fact that I have not had proper sleep all week and I could barely keep my eyes open. I was scared that I might be awake at 3AM, but no ma'am. I slept right through till 7AM. That's 10 hours, for anyone who is counting.

Yesterday was fun. I started out the day at E's. She is moving in with Aunty Onion, so I went over to help her pack and organize. That is my way.

They have a fantastic new apartment and I really could not be happier for her. It's pretty cool. I remember when her and the ex-BF broke up (last year, 4th of July) and she spent like a week obsessively creating a profile on the Reader so she could start dating. And then Aunty emailed her and we (took turns) obsessively looking at his profile and deciding that he seemed pretty "awes" (as we say).

Turns out, we were right. And he was right for her.

So I went over and helped her pack and organize. Once I got there, it became clear that we needed my car to load some of her give-away crap into, so I walked back home to get it, emptying my trunk--which was needed; it's been filled with crap for more than a year--along the way. I also returned my library books on my way back, which is always good. E works at a library at a local University, so I always remember that I need to return books (this time ON TIME!) when I hang out with her.

She always says, "Ms. Bea! They don't care about the fine money, they just want the books back. Nobody else can read them when they are at your house!"

'Nyways. Pleasant enough morning. We listened to her old roommate FamousAmos' headbanging hair metal mix, which inexplicably contained Queen and Joan Jett, and packed. I got her a little bit organized, packed four boxes, stacked more neatly and she gave me two feather boas, a fancy black gown and three pairs of shoes. (We're the same size!) She also offered me a blazer I had given her a six months ago, which I politely declined.

Then I came home and mixed the music for my halloween act, downloaded music and practiced my act for the Chicago Flair show, and got ready for dinner. Then I went to T's house and met her P's for the first time.

There's a lot more to say, but suffice it to say that it was so good to meet them, that her dad is a pistol, and we had a nice dinner. I was very tired at the end of the night (see above) so I begged off around 9.

(yawning)

OK, I need to jump here and practice a bit. Mas later.

This. Is. Amazing.

I am at E's house and she just played this for me. It is the British version of Pour Some Sugar on Me. While I DO love the Honeybuns' version of this (as a burlesque act with whipped cream & waitress dresses), there's nothing like some butch dykes destroying a house that Def Leppard is playing in.

It Happened Again!

The Blahd! It caused me to rethink my whole life plan again this month; it just snuck up on me. I SWEAR to you ALL--I have got to stop re-thinking my life once a month. It is exhausting.

Special Lady T asked me (when I told her I was thinking about a PhD today)--lightly, of course--if I was expecting my period. I laughed and said, "Oh, no! I totally just think this is a good idea. Nothing to do with my period!"

Then it came.

(After that, she asked if maybe I didn't decide to do that balloon dance last month right before my period. heh. (pulling collar away from neck))

P.S. Lady Miss P--my former roommate in Crazytown--has a SINGLE on the MySpace. It is actually good, if you like that kinda music, which I kind of do. (Secretly and not too loudly.) Check it.

Mas later, bitches.

List of Hints.

It's been almost two weeks since my last post and I am TIRED, per usual. I have been performing and promoting non-stop. Things are pretty great, though; it's all coming together.

Since we last chatted, there has, apparently, been some chatter on a national list about the balloon act stunt. The more I think about it, the more I think that I decided that a line needed to be drawn in the sand. I realize that the target of said line really has no idea (nor does she probably care) about why it was drawn or what's next, but whatever. I needed to draw it for personal reasons and for the good of the community. And now it has gotten around that I "stole her signature act" to which I respond "It was a parody." Nothing like a good parody of something famous, right?

On other topics, I am super psyched about this burlesque class I am teaching. It's really coming together. Last night, I had a new student at my house (I'm teaching people in my living room until September 9) and I had a giggle fit in the middle of ab work. I told her, "This is hilarious. I have people that I barely know over to my house and we exercise together. I love my life." And it is hilarious. I think that teaching is really my forte---I am really good at encouraging ladies and teaching them to have confidence about their movement. Coming from the perspective of someone who used to be really scared about moving around, I have learned a few things about it (Helpful Hints About Dance, Sexiness, and Burlesque):

1. Movement takes practice. The more you do it, the more confident you will become.
2. Movement is about confidence. If you are confident, nobody will know that you forgot your step or don't have any idea what you are doing.
3. You are sexy. Own it and the world will, too.
4. The construct of burlesque (girl gets naked artfully) is a winner onstage. Everyone loves a naked girl, so the more artful and the more naked you are, the more the audience will appreciate it. No matter how bad you fuck things up onstage, if you get naked, they will love you.

Every time I type something like this up, I wonder why I'm not getting my PhD in performance studies. Should I? I think it would be a winner for me, professionally, to marry my performance interests with my maniac brainiac self. Pause to look at the Northwestern University's Performance Studies website.

OK. Now I must go to my day job--But I wanna say that you should support local duet The Honeybuns, as they have been accepted into the Tease-o-Rama burlesque festival in San Francisco! Yay! Donate to them so they can get there.

Kisses,
Ms. Bea

Helpful Hints #12 & #13

Helpful Hint #12 goes out to would-be and aspiring psycho divas: Get Over Yourselves.

Whew. So. Much. Drama.

I unveiled the helium balloon act at Varietease and it turned out She Who Must Not Be Named was in the audience last night. Problem. See, the thing is that she was the first one in Chicago to use helium balloons in her act. I know, I know, get a grip, Ms. Bea. It's fucking balloons.

Rationally, this would seem to be the case. And it is also the case that there is nothing new under the sun. Really, in the grand scheme of things, burlesque is a vintage art and most things that could be done have been done before--one of the other performers let me know that the same helium balloon act was being done by people in the '30s. And even if there is a unique idea, when someone else uses the idea, it becomes their own through the nature of it being done by someone who possesses a different body/personality/mind than someone else.

I have been wrapped up in this idea of originality and worrying about people "stealing" my work for a while now. Heck, I have even talked about it here--my worries about that and my fears that someone else would do what I had done. Said Diva Who Must Not Be Named has even stolen ideas from me, despite screaming that she never does that. But you know, in thinking about it, Red Hot and Special Lady T are right. There is no original idea and when people do something in their own way, it makes it theirs. Having obviously now used someone else's ideas as a jumping-off point, I'm ready to let the idea of originality go.

And She Who Must Not Be Named? I am sure that she will circle her wagons, tell her performers to not work with me, and trash me to a national audience. But you know what? It was worth it for the extreme crazy reaction. I may go to hell for this, but there was a part of me that--after hearing and personally bearing witness to how she's trampled her tiny feet on just about every other burlesque artist in town for the last four years (unless you pay to take lessons with her)--had no small amount of glee at the reaction.

Pink and gold bellydance costume? 100.00 on eBay
Vintage lounge track for act? 99 cents on I-Tunes
Crazy Angry Diva Bitch in your dressing room? Priceless.

(Oh, and I "have no class at the moment" according to one of her friends. Ooooo. Burn! So. Junior. High. Are these people really actually adults?)

In other news, there is an African American running for president, the Olympics started in China, the Russian Army is killing people, and we're still in Iraq. Helpful Hint #13: There is a lot more going on in the world than taking off your clothes onstage with or without helium balloons. This is a slight repeat of hint #12.

Mas later, bitches.

Weekly Updates

So many things are going on, it's been hard to catch my breath and write about them all...

First, the burlesque thing is going gangbusters. I have two (possibly up to four) new students for my "class". Right now, I'm just teaching one gal, Hoopster (she's going to do a hooping routine for her first act! So excited!) but in the fall, I have another who attended my workshop at Early to Bed this past Spring and an old friend who used to do (maybe still does?) drag kinging. Also, there is a sweet lil gal who already performs, but used to take classes with She Who Must Not Be Named and got "asked to not return" (drama!). I am super excited. Not quite sure about the day/dates, but I'm working all of that out tomorrow with the lady who owns the space where I am going to start teaching. I will have a space and will be teaching official burlesque classes! Not just one of two ladies in my house or a rented studio. Yay!

Oh, and did I mention that the dance studio is walkable from my house? Yes, indeedy!

Second, there are about 10,123 shows in the next month, mostly thanks to Red Hot. She's been booking like a crazy maniac and it's awesome to have shows where I am going to be paid, where I love the producer, and where I don't have to do anything but perform and promote a bit.

Sadly, though, Beastwomen is coming to an end, so that will be over for the season soon. But the good news is that they will probably do a fall run sooner rather than later. They should just run all year like the Neofuturists with a huge cast and do a once a week rehearsal/run-through.

Last weekend, I had a weird little show in a coach house in Wicker Park and while it was not an ideal space (very weird vibe) it was fun to talk to/hang out with Photog and Natasha. I got to talk to Natasha more than usual and we decided that we will hang out sometime. I think I am going to ask her to come over and sew with me sometime soon. It's always fun to have a stitch n' bitch buddy and I think that she likes to make things as much as me. It would be fun to get to know her better--right now, I am mostly friends with Photog (her hubbie).

Third, I got asked to do a bachelorette party--to teach a workshop at one--and I am very excited about that. I can take my workshop (How to Strip for Your Lover) and teach it to a buncha straights. Also! I got booked for that again at Early to Bed in November, which is good because they do all the heavy lifting on promotion (and I just show up and teach. So fun!) It was a hoot last time. Two dudes showed up and I made them both dance. Amazing and hilarious. Especially since one was a muscle-bound football player type and I made him wear a plastic tiara with hot pink marabou all night.

long pause to re-read correspondence with dance studio owner.

Also, I had a lovely time last week/end hanging out with E. We hadn't been doing too much of that lately, but we had a nice catch-up dinner and then, the next day, we walked around her new 'hood. She's moving on September 1 (moving in with Aunty Onion into a nice three bedroom!) and she wanted to see what was around there. It was so much fun to hang out with her. I love her dearly.

And and and! I had a great time catching up with Special Lady T this week. On Tuesday, I made a "special romantic dinner" (homemade pizzas and delicious white wine) and we hung out and watched Dark Night (Batman Returns?). I put out her jammies for when she got there and did all the dishes before she came over (to avoid the whole "who is going to do the dishes!? contentious conversation we usually have). It was a fun night and there was hot loving of the deep & connected type. Nice. Oh and! Today is 08.08.08 and it's me and T's 8th month anniversary. That must mean something--not sure what, but it's a seriously scary series of eights. She's making simple dinner for us.

OK. I have to jump here. I must say now that I am getting a bikini wax tonight (of the complete type) and I am a little nervous about the whole thing. It's been a long time and I have pretty sensitive skin. YIKES!

Mas later, Bitches.